STAR TREK XIII written and directed by bob orci, inspired by crazypogo
the enterprise crew goes back in time to earth in the 21st century in order to save some whales SEE GUYS IT’S A NOD TO THE ORIGINAL SERIES YA FUCKING NERDS including a prolonged bathing suit sequence in which carol marcus and nyota uhura are the only ones in bathing suits but it totally makes sense because they’re swimming with the whales. they have no other lines or scenes in the movie. jim watches them change in the locker room and everyone laughs. twelve orion girls are in the crew and jim keeps forgetting which one is which cause they’re all green HAHAHAHAHAH! spock and jim hold hands meaningfully but it’s definitely not homo. chekov gets a blue shirt, bones shows up two times, the first to say ‘consarnit’ the second to shout ‘WHISKEY BOURBON MINT JULEP DAMN IT’. sulu would run through the halls of the enterprise with a fencing foil half naked but instead there’s another scene of uhura undressing. no whales are saved but the whales were mentioned YA FUCKING NERDS. will spock and jim learn to put aside their differences in order to follow the exact same emotional arc of the previous two no-homo movies? scotty’s mother is introduced, then immediately killed so he can cry a single tear. the credits roll. bob orci immediately gets on twitter to insult everyone who didn’t understand his genius.
New promotional picture of Chris Pine for Armani Code.
Popeye in Costa Rica.